We are our partner’s biggest fans, but sometimes we don’t act like it! Life’s pressures have a way of impacting on our relationships, but a simple rule for happy couples is to have 5 positive interactions for every 1 misunderstanding.

Start Dating Again

Happy couples talk more. Make a commitment to your partner to go out at least once a week. The date doesn’t have to be expensive. Take a picnic to the park, go for a walk at a local beauty spot or stop at a coffee shop for a latte and cake. Repeat one of your dates from when you first met, go to the theater, a movie or have a romantic meal for two.

If childcare is an issue, simply put the children to bed early and just talk. Turn off the television, phones, computers and other distractions. Leave talk about finance and work difficulties for another time.

Give positive affirmations every day

Positive actions often lead to positive reactions. Give your partner a compliment. Show your appreciation for something big or small whether that’s putting the garbage out or cooking a meal. Encourage your partner with whatever positive change they are making in their life. Be your partner’s biggest cheerleader.

Celebrate your partner’s triumphs

Strengthen your relationship by celebrating your partner’s triumphs. Show enthusiasm, ask questions, give congratulations and relive the experience with them. Celebrate achievements with a gift to mark the occasion. A piece of jewellery, an upgrade or addition to their collection or hobby shows that you’ve put thought and effort into celebrating your partner’s success.

Create new experiences together

Couples who have new experiences together feel more loving and supportive towards each other. Go for a walk together, visit the new restaurant in town, explore a place you’ve never been, cook together or sign up for a dance class together. Experiences which are new and exciting or where you share laughter are wonderful ways to be happy and connected. If you’ve been together for 25 years then these silver wedding anniversary gift ideas will be handy and useful.

Do good things daily

Simple things, like bringing your partner a morning cup of coffee while they are still in bed, giving a back rub, preparing dinner, writing an appreciative note or taking on a chore that your partner normally does, builds intimacy and closeness in your relationship like nothing else.

Fight Fair

There are times in everybody’s life that conflict will arise. When you fight, defuse the situation with humour, expressing affection and conceding on certain points your partner makes. If you are defensive, tune out, roll your eyes, criticise or resort to name-calling it’s time to change. Avoid blaming, but use statements such as ‘I feel’ and ‘I need’ instead of ‘you should’ or ‘you can’t’.

Whether you are saying ‘Thank you” for a gift, a favour or to someone who has brought meaning to your life, you want to be sincere with your gratitude. No one likes a ‘Thank you’ that sounds like an obligation or an afterthought. You may like to say thank you with a gift of something you know they would enjoy. If you’re unsure, flowers, chocolates and wine are generally well received.

Be sincere

When you want to thank someone that you’re with, be specific about why you’re saying thank you. Be honest and say what you really mean, even if it sounds a bit soppy. For example, you might say “Thank you for the beautiful family photograph you had framed for my birthday. I couldn’t justify the cost myself, but I’m so happy to have this hanging on the wall now, it’ll make me smile every time I see it.” If you want to show gratitude to someone who has impacted on your life in a big way, don’t be afraid to show your emotions to show how touched you are by their help.
If you’re saying thank you to someone who has gone out of their way to help you. Acknowledge the sacrifices they made, or the inconveniences they accepted in order to help you. Let them know that you appreciate that it may not have been easy for them to find the time to help.

If you are honest and sincere, this should show in your body language. Remember to give the person you are thanking your full attention, smile and maintain eye contact. Stand relaxed or you may look as if you don’t really want to say thank you.

Thank you by phone or letter

When you phone to say thank you to a friend, acquaintance or colleague, try to call when you’re not busy. Give the call your full attention. Your call can be short and still sincere.
Sending a text message is a good way of saying thank you without taking up more of your friends time. Be sincere and not overly enthusiastic as this may come across as insincere.

Sending a thank you by email should communicate your gratitude in the same way as a letter. Write ‘Thank you’ as the subject and follow the usual conventions of writing a letter. This shows that some thought and effort has gone into your words.

You may want to mail a thank you card. Whilst thank you cards are a more formal way to say thank you, they are good for thanking wedding guests for gifts or thanking professionals who have helped you at work, at college or after hospital treatment.

We apologise to express our remorse for something we’ve done wrong. A good apology will communicate three things: regret, responsibility, and a remedy for the error. Apologizing for a fault may feel difficult, but helps repair and improve our relationships with others.

Be prepared to say sorry

Sometimes people experience the same things very differently. Accept responsibility for your actions, focus on what you did, don’t point the finger of blame to the one you’re apologising to. Use “I” statements instead of “You”. Say “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings” rather than “I’m sorry you got so upset”.

Keep your apology sincere. Do not try to excuse or justify your behaviour. Justifications mean that you don’t accept responsibility and that it’s partly the other person’s fault for ‘taking it the wrong way’. The focus is on the apology for hurt caused, rather than the excuse. Sometimes we cause hurt without intending to. If this is true, say so.

Choose your time and place

Apologise as soon as you can. However, if you’re in a highly emotional situation, wait until you’re both calmer. If you need to apologise at work, so this as soon after the mistake as possible to minimise the impact on work. Acknowledge your fault, explain what happened and what will be different in future. Say sorry in person. If that isn’t an option use the phone. Email and text don’t convey your sincerity as well, so leave these as last resorts.

Making Your Apology

Be relaxed and open in your body language. Maintain eye contact, particularly when they’re talking to you.

Acknowledge the hurt created and state your regret, Accept responsibility for the specific hurt. For example “I am very sorry for my behaviour, I feel bad that I’ve caused you pain. It was wrong of me to get angry at you for staying out late”. State what you will do if the situation arises again, for example “I will consider my words before I speak them”.

Let the other person speak. Listen. Stay calm. If the person is still angry, acknowledge this without blame and suggest you talk later as you want them to feel comfortable.

End your apology with gratitude. Express your appreciation for the role that they play in your life. Mark this appreciation with a gift you know they will enjoy. If you’re unsure, consider chocolates or flowers. The acceptance of an apology does not always mean that you’re forgiven, you may need to wait patiently for forgiveness.

The word sorry loses its magic when used too often, especially for the same mistake. The first rule of saying ‘I’m sorry’ is to make amends and ensure it’s not repeated.